so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
