I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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