im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
