Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
