I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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