cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just googled if crying burns calories
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
