my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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