honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
