where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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