just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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