i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
