If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
