I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
