Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
