I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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