have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
