either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
