The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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