When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
