you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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