i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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