I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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