Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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