Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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