its not stalking. its research.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
