im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What drink are we having for lunch?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
