Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
