He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
