I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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