Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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