we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
