Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I sprained my soul last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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