So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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