About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
