I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
