I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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