I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
