it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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