I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
