Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
