I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
