Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again

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(801): View more from Utah

He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired

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(224): View more from Illinois

update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.

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(858): View more from California

Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.

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(951): View more from California

Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.

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(630): View more from Illinois

He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.

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