I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
