i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
