Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
