why didn't you poke me back
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
