I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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