I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
