i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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