She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
