Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
