you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
