Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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