I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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