she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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